jealousy

There come moments, seemingly out of nowhere, when God hits you right between the eyes. When He zeroes in on a deep rooted issue you knew was there, but often ignored or buried in favor of casting the blame elsewhere. There come moments when God finally gets through your thick skull enough to make you realize one of the hardest things to hear – He’s been talking the entire time.

Sitting in the 6:33 service last night at my church, Abba’s House, there were two women invited on stage to discuss their upcoming trip to Mozambique. The first up to the mic spoke beautifully of the change she looked forward to, the experience, and the fact she held that when she returned, she would be closer to the Spirit and different in every aspect of her life. Imagine the sound of the impact here; God hit me between the eyes.

As time has progressed these last few years, I’ve become aware of just how much I struggle with jealousy. It has deemed itself worthy to surface within any number of my relationships with people, and as it so happens, what was said before the offering last night was exactly what I needed to hear.

I’ll digress to explain a bit more. My boyfriend, Jordan, is flying to Thailand over the summer on a missions trip with his church. He’ll be able to love on the people there, minister, and just overall help alongside the wonderful team he’s going with. I cannot emphasize enough just how unbelievably proud of him I am that he’s doing this – that has not diminished in the slightest. However, I have had moments of anxiety, or jealousy, as this trip approaches. I’ll encourage him, cheer him on, but in the same breath dissolve into a blithering mess terrified of him even leaving the state. Great girlfriend, amiright?

Last night, as said before, was my hit between the eyes from God. The woman onstage spoke of how excited she was for the change she knew God would work in her, and the strengthening of her relationship with the Spirit. And in that moment, I realized where the jealousy orginiated.

Due to my own distracted heart, I had grown distant from the Spirit, and from God. I stopped spending as much time alone with Him, if any, and everything began to grow stagnant. Last night, as she spoke, I felt a tug at my Spirit as I realized just how much I missed Him, and missed that intimacy. The shot between my eyes revealed that I was terrified of Jordan leaving and coming back a refreshed, changed man; a man deeper in a relationship with our God I’d been neglecting. In addition, this jealousy had allowed fear for his safety to infiltrate my heart – long story short, I’m a hot mess, y’all.

I say all of that to come back to the original point. My shot between the eyes forced me to hear the voice I’d been ignoring; God telling me the source of this jealousy, and what it was doing to both myself, and my relationship with Him. And what this jealousy had done was rip apart what I’ve always claimed has kept me living.

1 Corinthians 3:3 says,

“You are still worldly. For is there is jealousy and quarreling among you, are you not worldly? Are you not acting like mere humans?” 

When jealousy is in your heart, there exists a block between you and God. Now this block could be minuscule – or it could be a mountain. It all depends on what you hold onto, and how deep you let it wound your heart. Jealousy, especially of another believer, is one of the sharpest weapons the enemy uses against us. It’s comparison, coming between you and someone else, that prevents you from becoming who God wants you to become.

In 1 Corinthians 10:13, however, it says

“No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, He will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.” 

God gives us a way out, and He never abandons us in our struggles. Whatever form of jealousy you’re struggling with can be taken away if you give it to Him. Pinpoint the source, and confess it to a King that only wants to love you where you are. He’ll never fail. ♥

– – – – – –

Hey, all! It’s been too long, I know. As the school year came to an end, I struggled with the motivation to get back into this and write. Even as time to do so began to appear, I waved it off in favor of countless time wasters; Netflix, napping, etc. Nothing of true, worth-my-time importance and I’m sorry for that.

I’ve been wracking my brain trying to pinpoint the cause of my aversion to getting back into this, and I return to you all with an answer. While laziness is absolutely a factor, the true reason is far more subconscious; I focus too much on the details. When I drafted a post, I wanted everything perfect, I wanted my words perfect, and I wanted the format of anything and everything to be 100% perfect. As you can imagine, this put a bit of a negative perspective on my little project here – thus the reason for so little posts.

I return with a new plan! Messy, messy, messy. Expect no perfection, and you’ll be a happy camper reading my blog.

Verses ♥

1 Corinthians 3:3

1 Corinthians 10:13

Thanks for reading! 😊

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