feel all the feels

When I opened this document, I was going to write about how frustrated I am with myself, how my anger seems to always be at the front of my expression these days, and the chaos that typically ensues as a result of this.

But

(like that dramatic spacing? Same)

I’m going to write something different. We all have our bad days, our bad moments, and our anger and frustrations. We all know what it feels like to lose control over bottling everything up too tight – and if you don’t, don’t worry, it’s coming. But honestly, Jesus already forgave me for the moment I just had. He grabbed my hand, squeezed it tight, and said “Sorry, I don’t hold onto your mistakes. You’re white as snow every moment that you ask for My forgiveness. It’s that beautifully simple.” (Isaiah 1:18, author’s paraphrase). And I’m writing this half for myself, but also to just remind you just how INCREDIBLE humanity is. Because there’s so, so much critique, so much negativity, and so much pain. But there’s also some Truth, and I want to share it here for a moment.

You are completely unique, wonderfully made in every single dang way, and Jesus, Abba, Spirit – He thinks about you every single second of our existence and every single moment of eternity, at all times, every time, entirely omniscient.

“You are altogether Beautiful, my darling, beautiful in every way.” – Song of Solomon 4:7

“How precious are your thoughts about me, O God. They cannot be numbered. I can’t even count them; they outnumber the grains of sand.” – Psalm 139:17

He put a perfect amount of time into creating you, me, and everyone else.

“You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb.” – Psalm 139:13

“And God saw everything that he had made, and behold, it was very good.” –  Genesis 1:31

There are 95 to 100 BILLION nerve cells in the human body, the brain alone has over 85 billion, and we carry the capacity to feel emotions more complex than anything else in the known universe. That should not only be insane to think about, but it should remind you just how incredibly COOL humans are. Because we’re just a blip. A moment. A blink. We’re not even a few minutes in the expanse of the universe. But, in Christ, we’re made Eternal. And I just wanted to get on here and ramble about that, because I need the reminder right now. I need the reminder that I’m loved, BECAUSE of my smallness in this life, not despite it. Because I want to be willing to serve, as Jesus was. Because I want to be willing to die, as Jesus did.

This entire life – it’s so beautiful. It’s so messy. There’s so much Truth, from the rain that soaks our shoulders to the sun that brings out our sunburns or tans. Our cars break down, we overload our hearts, and we take in so much information day to day that it’s toxic – but we live. We live, and we possess the capability to find Joy in that.

I’m still really frustrated today. I’m frustrated with politics, with my relationships, and with myself. But Jesus didn’t die for me to wallow in that, so, I’m not going to. I’m going to find something to laugh at, find something to dance to, and just enjoy the rain.

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